Bill: "That is the ugliest monkey I've ever seen."
Me: "Leave the monkey alone. He's part of our security system."
Bill: "Why do we need a security system?"
Me: "Because you said that burglars were on the loose!"
He shakes his head and laughs because clearly he thinks I'm nuts. But seriously, he's the one who called earlier to "check on things" since there had been another home invasion near us. Two guys busted into a house, tazed and tied up the homeowners, and left with some stuff. None of those things are on my Bucket List.
Hence my flying monkey security guard, strategically placed in the hallway in front of the door.
I'm hoping that he will distract any burglar long enough for me to get to the shotgun, or at least to something I can throw at them. Like one of Scarlett's Weebles. (Yes, I honestly believe that a burglar will stop to read a note I left him. How can you ignore that monkey?)
And honestly, how can Bill say that's the ugliest monkey he's ever seen? I think he's kind of cute. Now he needs a name. Suggestions?