Super Powers

The following conversation may or may not have taken place.

Me: "I need a super power."

Bill: "Why do you need a super power?"

Me: "So I can get things done."

Bill: "Is there a 'get things done' super power?"

Me: "Maybe. I'm not sure if it's catalogued in the League of Super Heroes. But if it is, I want it."

Bill: "Uh huh."

Me: "It would be awesome if I could just stare at someone or something and stuff would happen...or stop happening. It depends on what I need."

Silence.

Me: "You know, like staring at someone until they bring me coffee. Or staring at the annoying loud talker until they are quiet. Or staring at Scarlett so she will put whatever pointy-sharp-thing-she-shouldn't-have down."

Bill: "I see. Does this super power come with a costume?"

Me: "I don't know. For sure it comes with really cool glasses. So you can give a really good stare-down over the rim."

Bill: "Interesting."

Me: "You know what other super power I want?"

Bill: "I have no idea."

Me: "The power of sleep."

Bill: "That sounds like a boring super power."

Me: "Not really. I would be able to make you go to sleep whenever I wanted. More importantly, I would be able to go the sleep whenever I wanted. Especially on those insomnia nights. And Scarlett would never wake up before 7."

Bill: "Right."

Me: "You don't seem really supportive of my super powers."

Bill: "Well you're not exactly talking about Wonder Twin powers. Maybe you should just go to sleep and get your own stuff done."

Silence.

Bill: "Why are you staring at me?"

Me: "I'm practicing."

I have a pretty hellacious few weeks coming straight at me. Bill is out of town, I've got midterms, and major projects at work. There are days when it would be handy to have a super power or two in my pocket. Like the power of cooperation, the power of being two places at once, the power of making laundry disappear.

Unfortunately, I have none of these super powers, so it's going to be all up to this mortal to get it done.